I glanced at my phone as my friend's text came through: "Dude, I forgot to mention that I need you to be an usher. We'll talk later."
Seeing as how the wedding is on Saturday, I suppose we better talk soon, though there isn't much to worry about in terms of the job function. By now, asking the question "Bride's side or groom's side?" is about as automatic as a fast-food worker asking someone if they "want fries with that?". Escort the women, young and old, down the aisle and find a suitable place for them to sit and see the action. Make small talk and ask where people are from, or if they're friends or family or family friends. Stand in the back and be ready to help out where needed, and threaten to bounce unruly guests, jokingly, sort of. Loosen the tie only after the bar has opened and all of the formal pictures are done.
At last count, this will be the 22nd wedding in which I have been an active participant. The joke, of course, stems from the movie "27 Dresses," and though I don't have 22 ties, I do have quite a few memories. I've been in weddings from Minnesota to Texas, from Nashville to Los Angeles, and all points in between. I've stood with high school friends, college friends, work friends, and friends for life. Some I talk to daily and some I haven't spoken to in years. I've been an usher in about half of the weddings, a groomsman in roughly the other half, and twice I've stood on the bride's side. Seriously. I stood with my sister when she got married since her best friend couldn't make it to the wedding during the holidays. I also stood on the bride's side for one of my best friends at the request of her and her husband, though I insisted I wouldn't wear a dress and I would be referred to as a bridal-attendant. I did get to help host her bachelorette party, serving wine and lasagne to a dozen girls (minus my shirt) so in that scenario I really was "the best man."
I could make jokes, and I will, or I could be sad, wondering when it will ever be my turn to invite people to help out at my wedding, but I won't. Instead, I look at it and think that 22 times I've been asked to participate in one of the most important and memorable events in a couple's life. Twenty-two times I've been asked to stand as an active witness for two people who are committing their lives together before God, family and friends. Standing there is like being an embassy guard, saying that their marriage I will honor and defend.
As I think about all of the people I've supported in this capacity, I'm glad to know that if any couple from one wedding were to meet another couple from another wedding, they'd all know me as the same person. Yes, many of my perspectives have changed. I've learned some hard lessons and been refined. But I can confidently say that if my friends from the very first wedding I was in were to meet the couple that I'll support on Saturday, I would have nothing to fear as I if I had ever been two different people. Consistency is really the only gift I can give back to them, consistently.
More than anything, I am humbled to have, and to have had, so many friends.
Onward.
JRH
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